I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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