There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
where are my eyebrows?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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