the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
