Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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