Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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