I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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