Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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