hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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