Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
