I smell stomach acid.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
