Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
