the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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