My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
