Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
