where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
