So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
