sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
