Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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