My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
