im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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