i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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