I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
