Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
