please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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