I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
