Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
