mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
