I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's shark week go big or go home
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
