You work out of a Hotel?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
