Your face is a jimmy john
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
