He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
