at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
