In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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