So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
