We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
