i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
