I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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