i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
