I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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