WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
