hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
