You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
