This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
