my mouth tastes like poor choices
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
