and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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