I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
