if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
