chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
