My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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