After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
