Having a random hookup so left but love u
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
