Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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