I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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