i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
