You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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