While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
