Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
