Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i think im in europe. pls send help
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
