we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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