FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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