I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
