I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Found the puke drawer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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