I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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