Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
