MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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