Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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