Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
