i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
