1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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