The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
