Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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