wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
