I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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