great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
