You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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